The Last Hour of Alone

It is 3:00 pm on Friday afternoon.   May 29, 2013.   Two of our three children are at their grandparents' house - six hours away - for Spring break week.  Our seventeen-year-old son stayed back for lifeguard training this week.  This afternoon he drove himself to the community center to play basketball.  His dad is at work.  I'm on the computer.  And it dawns on me.  This is it.  This is the last time I'll be home by myself for a while again.
And I'm checking Facebook.  Really?  I tell myself I need to get off.  I look around and think, "well, what DO I want to do this last hour at the end of this week?"  I can't think of it.
I've been listening to Spotify  (all week).  It's been great.  I've been cleaning, painting, working, you know - productive things...
Gungor's "Dry Bones" is playing.
My friend and I prayed together just this morning...
As I scroll my page, a post or two reminds me of an online friend, April Karli, and I realize I haven't seen her posts lately.  Maybe it's been months.  Is she off FB?   I search.
Nope, she's still here.  She just posted her own blog two hours prior!  Her blogs have greatly encouraged me in the past.  I scroll her page.  She's notorious (to me) for sharing other writers' interesting, encouraging, and thought-provoking blogs or articles.  I've never met April in real life.  She lives in Texas and I'm not sure about Texas.  But I like April.  I keep scrolling.   I find two blogs she's shared about teen boys.   I have two teen boys and I always want to be a better mom to them.  I always feel like I could do better.  In fact, during Spring Break I was reading the book, "Boys should be boys" by Meg Meeker (great book!), wondering if I am too late?  I want the absolute best for them!  I think of that often.  Pray for it often.  God show me and show them! This is every mother's prayer, right?

Three years ago at Dunbar Cave
Josh-14  Tyler-11

They are now seventeen and fourteen; I just love them wholeheartedly.
So I read the blogs.  I'm crying.  Then...I'm bawling.
And now- I'm typing about it.

Ann Voskamp's page is still up playing the piano, and I haven't even finished reading the full post yet!  I had to pause because it was so overwhelming.   It's an awfully good feeling.  But so hard.  But I know now that this is exactly how I would choose to spend my last hour.  I want it to sink in.  I want time to drink it in.  I want to know.  I want my boys to know.  I want my daughter to know.  How this LOVE is.  This love that pierces the heart and hallows the soul.  That digs deeper, and deeper, and becomes always more meaningful.  Always more beautiful.  Oh, how I long to feel it!  The growing.


And I cannot read this post my sister sent me without crying: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/01/how-to-be-the-parent-you-want-to-be-40-things-every-child-must-know-before-they-leave-home/

So, I pause, and I read on.  I cry.  I read.  I cry on.  I count it all as gain. And as Carol Kuykendall says, "the hurt is a good hurt.  The pain is a good pain."  And as strange as it may seem, I want to FEEL it.  So...I do.   And I'm truly thankful for it.
Bettered by it.
Battered by it.
Humbled because of it.
Thankful beyond measure.
God knows.

Oh, how He must know.

Season 36: Episode 5

Love this handmade gift from my sister with all Local
Business Cards - mine included!

The Fiddlers' Festival was great!  I heard the talent was amazing, and I did get to see the cloggers, but they were just a small portion of the amazing talent that I heard filled the stage!  As a Vendor, it went well over all, I met some new Vendor friends (always good!) and some new customer friends.  I love talking to older people (like those 70+) because they have just wonderful amazing perspective on life and are full of so much KNOWLEDGE!   There was one such woman  (from Evansville, IN) who really could have been my good friend, as we were definitely kindred spirits (thank you Anne with an E), and I just really enjoyed talking with her for a half hour or so.  It seemed we could have talked on for hours.  I would have loved to visit her often, like-minded as we were, especially considering she was FULL of wisdom and I am not!  You know....not like she was.  Only going through LIFE can we gain perspective on some things.   I told her to check out this blog, so hopefully she does & comments so I know she did!
Being there made me all the more excited for the Clarksville Downtown Market!  I'm still working on stocking & restocking my inventory.  I'm excited about some new things I have coming out!

In our family, Josh (our 17 year old), passed his drivers test!  A good thing, a milestone step, but it also makes certain things more complicated, while also making other things easier.
As I am parenting a toddler and a teenager simultaneously  I can still with great honesty tell you that neither is easier than the other, they are both quite difficult in different ways!  It's an emotional roller coaster, lovely and exciting, crazy and bittersweet.

Softball started for Spring season!  We had our first practice last Sunday.  It was so much fun, but my entire body ached from it!   Ha!  Playing softball at age 36 is not for wimps!
I hope to continue to write as the seasons of life progress.  Hopefully I can continue to blog once a week through the busiest season of my year (Spring).  I have a time set aside on Mondays to do it, and so far so good.  I love it.  It is like writing a letter update to a dear friend or cousin, somewhere far off, or not so far, but close to my heart, and I am so fortunate this is you, reader & friend!

Spring-minded!

This weekend I will be vending at the Old-Time Fiddlers Festival.  After I committed to it, there were about three other invitations I received for events going on this weekend.  Popular weekend!  I am very interested to see how it is going to go at the Festival as it's supposed to last late into the night Friday and all day Saturday, again going late into that night.  I'm a little skeptical at how much time I can stay there!  (Especially since the weather is supposed to be awesome.) But, if you are near Rossview High School and enjoy Fiddlin' competitions you should definitely come check it out.  If you don't, I will be sure to let you know how it goes.

To the right is a sneak peak of some new items, styles, & colors I have coming out.  This is what my work table currently looks like (and I cleaned it this morning!).

This upcoming Friday I am taking our oldest son, Josh, for his actual driving test before her receives his official drivers licence.  We've been doing a lot of "practicing," so hopefully it will go well for him.

Spring is in the air!
Well, it is for me in my mind anyway, even though it was still bitterly cold yesterday.  I keep thinking of this quote, and I'm not quite sure where it came from:
How then can we truly appreciate the glories of Spring, if we have not indeed gone through the dead of Winter?

I'm learning (and always trying to learn) to appreciate the different seasons of life; however strange, lonely, or complicated they seem to be.

Also, I am still reading Heaven by Randy Alcorn.  Intense.  You should read it.  I can't really explain it, but if you read it we will have lots to talk about - because it contains life-changing content.

I've also been a Vegetarian for the past 16 days!!!  Totally accidental, of course.  Maybe that will be my next blog post! ;)