Saturday, February 11, 2012

One Year Without a Car

Well, actually it was an SUV, which technically has a truck motor, so says my husband.  And I didn't have it.  I didn't have a car either.  Or a truck.  Or a mini-van (which has a car motor).  But my husband (who I don't usually talk about in my blog posts) says I really DID have a vehicle.  I just had to take him to work and pick him up to have access to it.  I'll admit that was true, but I did not like it.  I didn't like the lost morning coffee cups and not sliding into the routine of the day.  I didn't like the "on call" feeling for pick-up time that came randomly between 3:30 and 6pm.  Many times over the summer I just dropped the truck off at his workplace and catching the bus home so that I wouldn't have to do the "on call" thing.  And I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not.  Really.  I just didn't like it and Not Liking something is Okay.  I was Okay with it.  I was Okay not having a vehicle at my full access.  I only took him to work when biking, walking, and bus transportation were not possible for the needs of the day.
I loved walking.
I loved biking.
I loved taking public transportation.
I learned when to take offers from others for rides they blessed me with.
I learned that God was showing me so much more than I could have learned with a vehicle in my driveway.  He was healing me from wounds and winter and so much more than I've still yet to realize.
I committed to two weeks of swim lessons in January a mile from my house.  Knowing it would be cold.  Knowing it could rain. 
Not knowing I'd find so much joy, freedom, and healing in those two miles a day.
Maybe it seems we've had an unusual winter.
Maybe.  Last winter was unusual.  Last winter it was cold and snowed and stayed that way mid-November through mid-March.  This winter it has been warm and cold and rainy and cold and windy and warm and cold.  Not abnormal here.
But now I have the SUV back.  One year later.
And now I have these options.  And I have winter gear.  And rain gear.  And the knowledge.
And what do I do with all of that?
I do know that it took almost the full year for me to understand and equip myself with the gear & the attitude. 
Last winter was hard.  Like head in your hands - crying every day - hard.  For so many unsettling reasons (not the car).  I just didn't know what to do.  I didn't know I needed sun on my face and fresh air in my lungs year 'round.  I didn't know I needed to pay attention to the changing seasons and look for God in the mystery surrounding us.  I thought seeking Him looked only certain ways.  But I didn't know.
And now I know a little more.  Not much, but a little. 
And I'd not give up the experiences for a brand new vehicle in my driveway.  Honestly.  I believe my experiences will carry me much farther in life than a brand new vehicle could even take me.
I hope that this little sweetheart of mine gleaned at least a portion of the grandeur.  She was a wonderful traveling companion through it all and I look forward to many future adventures. 
Even the boys were able to share in and experience much.  Of course, they've been riding their bikes (and walking) as a primary means of transportation for some time, but public transportation was a new and useful tool to them. 
Well, come to think of it - my husband (the one I barely talk about- per his request) even jumped on the bus to get home a few times when I was shuttling the boys around the city to their basketball games. 
Some things come unexpectedly.
Some things take extra time, planning, and effort...all while God is showing us in the rarest of circumstances that He works everything out for our good and makes it all beautiful in His time.
I'm thankful for this redemptive season. 
So thankful my heart pours out gratitude.
Like an overflowing cup.
I am that
Like eyes watering
deep breath
and sighing...